TJ Aug. 31

Wed. Aug. 31:  Finally got some time off to do this Sunday's stage 2 class.  It was exactly what I needed.  Everything covered in regards to fullness and not doing and i,qi,li and everything else that I had for some reason become confused about or was missing over the last couple of weeks got me back into the swing.  It was almost as if this class was tailored to me this week for some reason, anyway I'm thankful for it.  These things we're working come clearer in the most subtle ways, it's very hard to really articulate and Sifu is the only one who has been able to present it in an understandable manner of the people I've read and such.  Letting go of the muscle to manifest fullness is such a precise state and I can miss it very easily.  The tissues just expand and soften and it's almost like a warm blanket, really soft wrapping my bones.  I can't imagine that this could be done physically, I suppose the closest I could come trying to "induce" it with the body would be very loose, but without the mind to take it to the next phase it just becomes limp, with no substance.  For me, the breath really helps, allowing the breath to bring about the fullness by taking an "easy, full breath" always straightens the state back out for me. Sometimes when I get into an exercise the first couple of movements go really well, the yang expands evenly and the yin condenses the same and as long as I don't "do" it the body just goes along for the ride.  Then, after a couple of great movements I get slightly excited and really relish the peaceful effortless feeling of it all and try to do a little more.  This is when it begins to go away and I can feel the muscles and tissues start to become involved, and the body's balance or equilibrium starts to go one way or the other and something starts to feel discomfort.  If I can bring the breath back to ease and allow the body to get back to "doing nothing" I can recover, but it takes a letting go of the mind.  I'm starting to think that this is what we are talking about with regards to neutral, that keeping the mind in the state of ease and inside the body allowing these things to happen, and when I get a "notion" or begin to get either excited or frustrated about how the movement is going the mind takes the body out of harmony.  As long as I'm "there" in the body with ease and letting go the conditions keep themselves, and there isn't any need to go individually through the body checking or making them line up.  In fact, if I consciously try and put them into their places they don't even come close.  It requires of me a ton of concentration to keep from getting into that "thinking" or "causing" state of mind, whether in the positive or negative, which causes the conditions to disappear.  If I can stay on point, or in the "zone", then the conditions stay manifested and the body does better and better, and the movements get easier and easier.  When I work on the i, qi, and li it is a very quick process.  And it has to come from somewhere other than my conscious thought, much like keeping the neutral mind I think. If I consciously think "send the i, send the qi here, now the body moves", or if i consciously decide to do a movement at the front of my mind it won't happen with the conditions present.  I don't know how to explain it, but i "just do it" and the body responds.  It's like a fleeting spark in the mind, not really even a thought at all, and the body immediately goes into action as if by itself.  If my alignment gets off some, I can't make it come back online, I have to stop mentally and go back to that place in the head and breath easily and the body straightens itself back up.  The bulk of the fullness will drop subtly down the body and as soon as it does the hip roll for me then the feet wrap and point 8 expands, at the same time the crown suspends itself a little more.  And then I can just continue with the movements by intiating whatever that process is in the mind that gets the body moving without physically doing it necessarily.  The feelings and sensations inside causing the movement are so subtle that any slight "nudging" on my part will make them go away.  So I'm glad we spent the time on this weeks class covering these things, i believe my perspective and understanding of neutral, present, ease, and not doing, as well as i,qi,li has made a significant jump because of it.