TJ Sept. 9-10

Fri./Sat. Sept. 9-10:  Feel like the last couple of days of practice had some actual internal components to them.  Beginning with looseness, was formerly starting out or getting to loose and then thinking i was at soft and dropping the loose. Must keep the loose, can't have soft without it.  Did entire routine both days, but much more mindfully.  For instance, feeling that my movements were "ok", but weren't as connected as they should be, so concentrated first on looseness, very loose and then felt the condensing at the sternum, which for me is always a good sign since I tend to want to project at the chest sometimes.  Then concentrated on releasing continually, actually even say to myself in my head "release, release, release," and maintained a dropped perineum.  Really focused on keeping these conditions and found the center of mass.  It wasn't always comletely apparent, but I was able to maintain a semi-constant area where I could maintain it, and this brought about the center of gravity force.  This is something that really makes things easier and lets me know that I'm hitting my 13 or at least getting near them.  The gravity just falls down through the body and into the feet.  Then I can use that gravity to keep my points when in movement and especially in transitions.  I like to use the "3 balls" imagery (small medium and large stacked top to bottom balancing themselves) with my body and it works to keep the gravity force in the center of the feet and the center of mass just behind midway between dantian mingmen.  However, i did notice that i stil wasn't getting optimally connected movement, it was like i couldn't make any distinctions as to where my movements were originating from, as if they were just sprouting off at different places.  So I focused on center of mass and tried to capitalize on gravity force and noticed that when my movements were guided by the intent and I stayed present inside my body i could feel a definite spiraling from center to periphery spreading evenly inside the body to the extremities.  IT was a very nice feeling and it was like a gentle "wringing" or "torquing".  It made my movements a little less sprawled and flopped out or disjointed, the body seemed to almost stay in one place and the movement would just twirl and wrap outward, this also manifested a very nice and even down the front and up the back.  So i never lost balance or felt over committed in any direction.  And each shape and motion traveled with a slight wrap, like when we do the wrapping exercises.  I felt very present and focused and as long as i kept that focus i only had to move inside and the outside took care of itself.  When stepping back from standing posture to ready stance for instance, I usually will make a backward movement, and all my mass will get a backward momentum until i stop on the back foot.  But now it's like i don't go backward at all, i just simply send the intent to absorb and condense on the dantian while dropping the per. and just "will" myself to eventually be in the backward direction and the body moves that way, but it's not like a movement at all because it feels like i could stop at any point going back to ready stance and there wouldn't be any issue or resistance in doing so.  I'm having a hard time explaining but all i know to say was that it was like i wasn't moving anywhere, i was staying in one spot, but my body and limbs would move.  I didn't feel any sense of momentum, i was always just "there" inside myself, and the body and limbs just spiraled out and around.