Workout 1 - @thewalk @structure @weakness
This was a hard workout for a couple reasons. First, I haven't done the walk in awhile, so its always hard getting back into the training. Its a hard exercise in general so it takes some psyching up to just do it. The second thing is I moved up to the 2lb weights. I was not used to this, I actually had to stop several times to take a break because my arms and shoulders were tired and my heart rate was up. I'm sure this is part of the purpose of heavier weights is to force you to relax otherwise its going to be a really tough training session. By the end I think I was doing it better and it was easier to relax and move the weights. I did feel kind of awkward the whole time because I was a little rusty.
One of the biggest things I noticed was how much during training sessions I posture and stiffen up parts of my body. Part of this I know is trying to hold qualities or do steps, but part of the training is also to relax the soft tissue. I do this, but only in certain parts of my body, there are parts that I still continue to hold. In trying to do the training better I tried to relax all the parts of my body as much as possible and what I saw were these tight areas that I was still not letting go. So I let the go, and the sensation after that felt very uncertain. My body felt like a noodle, (best I can describe it) I was noodle-man! I was trying my best to maintain the qualities/steps while still doing this relaxation bit. It was uncertain because I had not experienced it before and therefore had no reference. It felt more along the lines of where I should be going, but still was a little weird. I have experienced "old-man tai chi" before where you feel like you have no muscles or strength, but this was different, it was noodly. I'll have to look for this in my future training.
The next thing, towards the end that I noticed was that the training "did me." I've only experienced this once before where my body did something that I did not necessarily prompt it to. It was surprising. I've written in previous entry's that my core area seems frozen. So in the last half of the walk as I was scanning my body, I think it was after the uphill when I was coming down, when I got to my hip kua area my body pushed me forward so I bent more at the waist and relaxed into the kua. It's like my body came online. It felt like I was upright and less collapsed to the back. It felt like where it should be. I'm sure I don't listen enough to my body and I wasn't looking for this to happen because I'm sure I don't regularly bend at the waist as much as I should. I know I am collapsed in the back and this pushes my kua forward. As I write this I'm even doing this collapsed posture at my desk. It was interesting. I'll have to look at this more. It's encouraging at least, seems like something is moving in the right direction.
I think both of these were related to trying to walk a natural walk with my legs while still maintaining the structure. @Sifu always says this during this training. I tend to have stick legs. Its hard because the weights pull your body all around and you can't go along with it so you have to hold, so you stiffen up, but I'm thinking the things you need to strengthen is what feels weak, so you need to keep at it and hold the qualities. This is what I am thinking.
Workout 2 - @standingmeditation @stillness @strength
I noticed the standing meditation after the walk things were still or it might have been that I was distracted and didn’t notice the structure. It was a tough meditation because I was tired from the walk and I knew the meditation was going to be long so that's always scary. The other thing was I was doing the standing meditation close to my desk so that's always distracting and when things are hard, like the standing meditation my mind wants to jump to something easier, like email or anything else. Maybe its a focus thing. @Sifu talks about focus on a task being a combination of concentration and ignoring. I think I need to work on both.
