This really annoys me, and I don't know why. Thursday's class contained a lengthy exploration of the yin triangles. We were feeling the triangle from the tantien to the quas, then expanding that out in both directions, so that we went down to the feet and up to the sternum (upper center of mass,) and eventually up to the yin half of the crown point, each successive climb up picking up the more lateral points, such as the shoulder quas, and each triangle running all the way down to the feet. Each step of the way we were to feel this foot to increasingly distant point as a real connection, with the yin actually sucking up the center of the foot, sucking in the quas, etc. It was a challenging class for me, in that I kept trying to do the thing, but never felt any success. Each step of the process was followed by a statement from Sifu in the form of, "now can you feel how this one makes you feel _______," and my training strategy was to just pretend that he was talking to someone else, because I couldn't feel a thing, and I thought I'd get too annoyed with myself to continue training if I kept listening to this ever growing list of things that i should be feeling but wasn't. All in all, nothing really changed for me all class, and I just chalked it up to putting in the time so that one day, this will make some sort of sense.
The annoying part is that it's now the next day, and I've been having feelings of....yin?....in my shoulder nests and my hip kwas. In fact, it may have even started late last night, though I was too tired for me to remember clearly. Now, this seems like a sort of belated success, so it's really strange how annoyed I am with this. I guess perhaps I had resigned my self to not getting it, had taken a subtle, stubborn, pouty stance internally against getting it, and now that I feel like I've gotten a glimmer of it, I'm annoyed. Maybe. I'm not sure what the internal story is, but I am clear that I'm annoyed to be feeling a glimmer of suction in my kwas after trying unsuccessfully all class long to feel exactly that. I have no point, just noticing and sharing.